Ever felt like you are walking among a sea of people but still nobody notices you ?
Ever felt so annoyed with the world that you want to just scream out and announce that you exist?
Ever felt so out of place that even your own friends think you are a stranger?
My name is not important. All you need to know is that I am an international student, pursuing my MSc degree at a reputed university in the UK. It has almost been a year now and I have hardly made friends here. Friends back home has forgotten I exist. People around here do not even realize I exist. My self confidence is at its lowest. Self Esteem does not exist anymore. All I do is procrastinate silting at the library or go back to my apartment and watch some series or movies one after another. I feel so lost that I do not even have the slightest of interest in studying my course anymore.
You all who are reading this must be thinking, What an ungrateful idiot who is just wasting his life. I guess I am. Maybe sharing this will make me feel better. Maybe it will not. All I ever wanted was to be happy. That somehow seems far fetched now.
I can’t even find it in me to look up at someone and make eye contact with them. Right now I am sitting at a computer near a window and looking at the clouds floating above the skyline of this magnificent city. Light blue sky with white patches of clouds and the sun rays making its way through the clouds. Seems so surreal.
When I first landed in this city, I thought to myself ‘ This is it. This is where my life changes, this is where I change, This is where I become happy’. Unfortunately that was not to be. I feel lost even to myself. I hardly talk to anyone. I think I am starting to distance myself from people. Nothing interests me anymore. I just want to go away. Away from everyone. Everyday I feel something inside of me dying. The worst part is no one knows. No one even notices. No body ever has asked me How I am doing? Everyone is moving on with their life. I can not seem to figure out mine. I hope I do not remain invisible forever. I realize there are people who are in worse condition than mine. I hope they make it through as well. I hope we all make it through. I hope None of us Remains INVISIBLE. I hope and truly HOPE.